Hope
by amixdeuxgirl
Summary: -MOCKINGJAY SPOILERS- What if everything wasn't great after the rebels won? What if things change? If Finnick and Prim didn't die? The story in Katniss, and sometimes Peeta's, eyes.
1. Chapter 1

I have to leave. I have to go, I have to leave. He's too good… Just… Too good.

I can't stay here. I need to think. I need to leave.

I walk through the house, my fingers brushing our family pictures.

Peeta, me, Prim, Rory, Gale, Farrah, and mother. My mother died two months after this picture was taken. _I remember that day_, I think.

_I had just come in with Prim. We had put the flowers in a basket._

_Tulips, Lilies, Lavender… Primroses, mother's favorite._

_We put them around the 'set'._

_Gale, Peeta, and Rory had spent the last two days making it. Peeta painted a large mural for the background. Fields on hills of poppies, sitting on beds of tall coarse grass, with the orange and purple sunset behind them._

_Gale and Rory built the frame for the couch, light huayi wood, and Farrah and Prim sewed up the upholstery. _

_Mother cooked for us._

_I sat and watched. Those were the days when I wasn't feeling well._

_On the day of the pictures, we all sat on and around the couch; Prim sitting on the floor holding hands with Rory, Farrah and Gale on the right, Mother in between them and Peeta and I._

_We all smiled. It was truly one of the happier times. The times when we forgot our troubles, and reveled in each other's presence. _

I touch these pictures, caress their smooth surface. _How happy we were, I think_.Those days are gone.

Gone.

I move slowly towards my bedroom. Peeta and I still live in the victor's village. Our previously white walls have been painted an array of jewel greens, harvest yellows, pumpkin oranges, and seaside turquoises. Every room a different color. We'd filled our house with happiness, and memories. To remind ourselves of the bright future.

Now, they just depress me. I come to my room, sit on the bed. I remember the times when Peeta protected me from the nightmares, quieted me, held me in the darkness.

I stand, make my way to my closet. I pull out the dusty red suitcase that lies on the top shelf. Take clothes off hangers at random. Stuff them inside. Peeta is still at the bakery.

It suddenly occurs to me how irrational this is. _Where do I go? I think. _I know. Finnick and Annie's. Finnick won't ask questions. He knows me too well. He heard what happened. I call him.

"Hello?"

"Finnick? Hi. I need a favor.."

"Yes, Katniss?"

"I need… I need to get away. Can I stay with you guys for a few days?"

Finnick pauses, and breathes in sharply. He won't refuse me though.

"Alright, Katniss," He sighs.

"Thank you," I whisper.

"Goodbye, Kat."

I go on packing. My wedding picture, a toothbrush, a hairbrush, the haphazardly-packed clothes, and a wallet. I'm ready.

Wait! I must write a note.

_Peeta, don't be worried. I'm leaving, but I'll come back. I just needed to get away. I had to… I need to think, Peeta. I love you._

_-Katniss_


	2. Chapter 2

Hey, guys! I'm thinking of actually finishing this one! :P I know some of you are probably brimming with questions, so review, and I'll try to make sure to answer them in the next chapters. 

Disclaimer: Though I wish I had been genius enough, I did not write The Hunger Games. The characters and story are Suzanne Collin's.

When I arrive at the District 4 train station, I'm panicking.

_What if he thinks I'm leaving him?_

_What if he doesn't understand?_

The rational part of my brain says, _He'll understand, he went through it too._

_But… But what if he doesn't?_

_He won't love me anymore after this…_

_Shush! He loves you. The is nothing that could change that!_

_But what if it did?_

_What if… What happened made him love me less?_

He did seem different. I had tried to go back to life as usual, live as normally as I could.

But he'd changed.

And however much I wanted to deny it, I had too.

I stepped off the platform, and wandered a bit, looking for Finnick.

He waved. I waved back.

Picking up my bags, he walked briskly towards his car. Apparently, I was supposed to follow. _Oh, Finnick…_He smiles back at me, as if reading my mind.

I think I fall asleep on the ride. My first 'full' sleep in a while.

When we arrive, Annie is waiting in the living room. I get a good look at their house. Walls with high windows, ferns everywhere, everything very open.

"Oh, Katniss! I wish you'd have given us more of a warning! I've been cleaning since dawn!" She smiles warmly at me.

I force a smile on face. "I'm so sorry! I've just been… Preoccupied…"

She gives me an understanding look.

"Well I got the guest room all ready for you, Kat."

"Thanks, Annie."

She leads me to my room; Finnick brings my bags up behind us.

We eat dinner in silence. Annie tries to be a good hostess and make small talk, but she gives up. There's nothing worth talking about.

After eating, I trudge up the grand staircase. District 4 Victor's houses are much nicer than ours.

I lie on my bed, thinking the reason why I've come here. I crumple. _I can't stay like this, I need to forget! _I think. But I can't…

_It was the happiest day of my life. It proved everything… My love for Peeta, the capitol's defeat… They say that babies bring hope. They're right. I believed that everything would be alright, that the nightmares would cease to exist, just a figment of my imagination._

_I tried to make telling him romantic. I made his favorite dinner, my special soup. I set the table with coppery-gold plates, lit the candles._

_He came home from the bakery, put his coat in the closet, and sat down._

"_Wow! You did all this for…?" he gave me a confused and suspicious look._

_I held his hand, and said, "Peeta… I'm… Pregnant."_

_It took a second for him to realize, his face looked quite comical. Frozen in thought, you could practically see the wheels in his head turning as he processed…_

"_You're lying…" he said disbelievingly._

"_I'm not!" I replied. _

_He swiftly got up, pulled me up of my chair, and gave me a kiss so passionate I wanted to lock that moment in my heart forever_.

And I did. But I didn't know then… It would haunt me in my nightmares.

Review! It would make my day.


	3. Chapter 4

Hey, y'all. I need reviews! Or at least want them… So review!

I didn't get sleep last night. When I wake, I'm sweaty and gross. I feel dirty.

I make my way to the kitchen, where I hear bacon sizzling.

"Annie?" I venture.

"Oh! No, hey Katniss, it's Finnick. Didn't think I'd be the one making breakfast did you?"

"Well, actually, no." I confess. "Annie out?"

I turn the corner, and Finnick comes into view.

"Yeah, buying groceries."

He sees my expression. Probably senses my discomfort. He walks closer and pulls me into a hug. A nice, friendly... Warm, morning hug. I give up and hug him back.

"It'll be okay, Kat."

"I hope so." I reply.

He pulls away. "So. You want breakfast?"

We eat in near silence until Finnick clears his throat.

"Do you remember Johanna? Well, she's coming to visit next week. So is Gale and his family."

"G-Gale?"

He looks down at his toast. "Yeah. He has a son. And a wife."

"That's… That's great." I whisper.

There was a long pause.

"So much has changed. What happened to us, Finnick?" All of us. Not just me and Finnick. Johanna, Peeta, Gale… Even Prim.

"We grew up." He says simply.

Another pause. The clanging of silverware against plate is the only sound to be heard. He gets up to clean the pans he used.

"Where's the shower?" I ask.

"Down the hall to the left. The walls are green."

"Thanks, Finnick. For everything."

He gives me an understanding look.

I walk to the shower.

Sorry it's so short; I just wanted to have a Kat/Fin tribute-to-tribute time. I also wanted to accentuate the awkwardness of it all. They haven't seen each other for years. Please review!


	4. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Anything I say will just be excuses, so I'm sorry for the… What, year long wait? Oh dear.

ALSO Somehow the titles for chapters 3 and 4 got switched, and I have no idea how to fix it xD Sorry for the inconvenience, please don't be confused.

Anyway, here it is:

I walk out of the shower, slip on my clothes. I decide to head out for a bit, take a tour around District 4.

Maybe… After I explore the house.

It's huge, plainly speaking. The hallway extends to the backyard, and there's another hallway, this one glass, leading to the other part of the house. Everything outside is very geometric, and inside it's more rounded and cozy. The stairwell is very wide and coils up 3 floors to the rooftop lounge area. Everything light wood with darker, bright colors.

I make my way to the third floor, where there is something of a loft. I explore the bookshelves, my fingertips dance over the spines of the many books. After the war the once banned books had been distributed, and I guess the Odair's involvement in the rebellion secured some of them. I pick up one with a colorful cover of a boy with glasses riding a broom, and since it seems so ridiculous, I'm curious. I get lost in the pages, the story of another, magical world.

"_I wish I could go there with him." _I think, "_It sounds like a good place to go and forget."_

I read on for little more than an hour and decide I need a break. Heading down the stairs to the kitchen, I see the Odair's pictures; just them, so I assume their relatives died in the rebellion, like so many others. Further down I notice a change,

"_Is… Is that Gale? And his family? He has a son..."_

He looks so different, so happy. I look to his wife and with a start, I realize it's Madge. Madge, who I thought had died. I put a hand over my mouth to quiet my sobs and those squeaking sounds I always make, sit down on the step, my hand grappling for the step above me. I curl in to myself, and I _cry._

I cry for my dead baby, I cry for Peeta, I cry for our marriage. I cry for Gale, and the loneliness I feel without him. I cry for my friend, my friend who I thought had _died. Died!_ And I cry for joy because she is alive, and she is loved and has the beautiful family that I _wished_ I had. And this last thought brings me into a long buried memory.

_Peeta and I had been married for four years and seventeen days. We were lying in bed, my right arm wrapped around his torso and his right stroking my hair. He kissed my forehead once, and started speaking._

"_Katniss. Katniss I want to talk to you."_

_I knew where this was going. We'd had this talk a few times before, but I dreaded it._

"_Peeta-"_

"_No, Katniss, I know what you're going to say and I won't have it. Remember when we were walking through town a few days ago? When I bought you that flower? I saw you looking at that mother, her child. I saw it in your eyes, you want a baby! I know you do!"_

"_Peeta-"_

"_No, I saw it. What are you so afraid of? The Capital has been defeated for four years, Katniss. We're doing everything we can to ensure it doesn't happen again, and for what?"_

_I stay silent._

"_For what, Katniss? 'For the future generations', right? Katniss, I want children. I want them. What are you so afraid of? Tell me, please."_

_I sigh. This is further than this conversation has ever gone. I want to reassure him, I want to admit that I want children, but I'm so scared. So scared. But he is my husband, so I need to tell him. It's never been easy for me to open up to anyone but him, and he's looking at me with those eyes, filled with hope and honesty and I have to tell him._

"_I… I'm scared."_

_He knows how much it took for me to admit it, so he stays silent. _

"_I… When we were in the Capital, remember? Well, how could you forget… When I was moving to get to Prim, I called her name. I screamed it, and she turned around, she saw my face, I must have looked so panicked… Because she started moving towards me. She… She was so close to death, Peeta. So close. I almost… I almost lost her, I almost lost my sister." _

_And now I'm crying, and I'm furious at myself, but he holds me closer and he makes shush-ing noises and calms me down and tells me he loves me. _

_It feels so good to tell him, tell someone the secret I've kept locked in my heart all these years. I finally feel… Hope. I feel hope. And I think he sees it in my eyes, because he leans down to kiss me then. In that kiss we tell each other everything our conversation had missed; I admit that I want a child, he apologizes for pushing me, I thank him, he thanks me for telling him my secret, and when we break apart I say,_

"_Okay. Okay, Peeta. I want a baby. I want a baby with you."_

_And two months later I told him I was pregnant._

I have cried myself into exhaustion. Remembering where I am, I make my way down to my temporary bedroom and lie down on the bed. And when I fall asleep, I dream of him. I dream of my baby.


End file.
